Question:

Hello from Germany,

Thank you very much for the opportunity to watch this great virtual clinic from Europe!

I would like to ask one question that is bothering me, and that is: at what point is getting off the horse becoming an avoidance strategy?

I am very good at getting off my horse in situations when I start to feel uncomfortable and often afterwards I think, that probably it would not have been necessary.

And as Mr. Peters said: avoiding the situation is leading to long-term anxiety growth.

So what would you recommend me to do?

Thanks again very much,

Yvonne via email

Answer from  Dr. Steve Peters and Martin Black

Hi Yvonne,

I understand your question. We were not talking about getting off your horse out of fear as much as protecting yourself and deciding not to “ride out” the potential wreck no matter how calm you are.

If you listen to the rest of the clinic again, you are correct we talked about avoidance creating even more anxiety. I suppose it would if you jumped off your horse at any moment you felt any anxiety. However; we talked about hanging in there (not flooding) for a little longer than you think you might be able to tolerate each time in small steps and being aware of your immediate emotions, avoidance would be reacting to and not necessarily taking time to identify your feelings. If under low pressure, you find that you can tolerate more stress each time, you would not be avoiding. This gradual increasing tolerance for stress builds our brains, expands the neural organization of emotional and cognitive integration and creates vast networks of descending control over emotional surges from your body and limbic system. This gradual opening of the window of tolerance will “down regulate” that anxiety and help to control and inhibit these emotional reactions and eventually to self regulate your affect. However; no matter how well you can self regulate, if you feel you are in danger it may be the wisest decision to get off your horse, the only thing you may be avoiding is a ride to the hospital! – Dr. Steve Peters

Hi Yvonne,

I’m not the right man for the job to talk about “long term anxiety growth “.  My brain works a little differently, I know that I am going to die at some point and life’s too short to live with constant anxiety. I have learned to appreciate being able to put my own socks on each morning and taking them off each night, speaking from my own unfortunate experiences and needing help with my socks.   There is a great deal of difference between “starting to feel uncomfortable” and “being threatened for your safety”.  Good judgment comes from bad experiences and bad judgment comes from the lack of. If you feel there is a threat to your safety, get off, otherwise it is important to try and push yourself through it and learn what you can handle.  Take a deep breath and begin again. – Martin Black